Friday, March 09, 2007

Both Sides Now

Sorry, blahg, it's been a while, I know. The thing is, when I started this little project a year ago, with the good intention of posting daily, I was stuck in a cubicle with a lot of extra time on my hands. Now that I have a job that I kind of care about, it's more difficult to wax poetic about my New York adventures on a daily basis.

Well, there have certainly been a few blahg-worthy expeditions that have fallen through the cracks lately due to a lack of time. There was a tell-tale encounter with two homeless chaps in Hell's Kitchen, a successful run from SoHo to Lincoln Center in twenty minutes flat (take the V to West 4, transfer to the C, speed walk from there), and a David Mamet play that left much to be desired by way of entertainment.

And then, when I finally did get around to posting, all that materialized was a stream of consciousness spoof on the perils of turning twenty-five, which somehow landed me a chop on Gawker. This resulted in my own mother accusing me of being a closet alcoholic, my best friend questioning my grammar skills, my fellow giving me the third degree about potential suitors, and scores of uppity crackers crawling through the monitor telling me how to live out the remainder of my 20's.

So I will try to step it up a notch from now on, as I remember the promise I made to Toby Shuster of Jerusalem, and those of you who are still stuck in cubicles, living vicariously through the ramblings of an old rube like myself.


Blogger Herbivore said...

oh gawd Toby, I feel so bad for you. How awful to be 25. That is just so old. Think of all the money you will have to spend on old people stuff from now on; Depends for when you want to go out and have a few but aren't sure you'll make it to the crapper in time. Wrinkle cream for sure, my wrinkly mom swore by Oil of Olay, maybe you should try it too. Get a foot cozy, ya know it's like a giant slipper for both your feet, so you can rub your toes together under your desk, because soon your feet will be cold all the time. Aprons, very big with old women here, they even wear them to the store when they have to run out for more denture adhesive. BTW is you hair long enough to put into a bun? Well if it's not, hm... just bleach it, dye it purple and get a big can of hairspray and make yourself a hair helmet . Maybe you should look at getting a yapping little chihuahua, call him Schatzi and talk to him constantly like he's your baby. Don't forget to make the kissy lips when you do. And don't worry about not being able to party all night anymore, pretty soon you'll start taking naps again, you'll just lean your head on something and nod off. You'll wake up 3 hours later and won't know where you are.

On May 6th I'll be turning 41. My husband and I haven't had sex in years, for he can't get it up anymore. But every time he's in the bathroom, he's making tea, if you know what I mean. My kids are already checking out old folks homes to make sure we're comfortable for the last few remaining years we have left.

Yes it's all downhill from here Toby. My advice: Get yourself a bus ticket to Florida!

4:15 PM  
Blogger Toby Shuster said...


2:13 PM  

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