You Ain't Woman Enough (To Take My Man)
Listen, the truth. Last night I was heading home on the train, when three people decided to perch in front of me. I was sitting down and they were standing directly above, holding onto the bar.
The three passengers are two females and one male. The women are taller than average, brunettes, and the man is stumpy and balding, with a briefcase. They start talking about a friend, who is coming to visit next weekend from LA, and how they wish their friend would just move to New York already.
After comparing the size of one another's hands, the two women start making out. No big deal. Why they decide to make me privy to this PG rated peep show, I do not know, because there is plenty of available real estate on that train. I figure it's my new haircut.
As the two women are making out, stumpy man starts reading the paper, a folded over, two-day-old Wall Street Journal. I pretend to read my book (The Master and Margarita, highly recommended), which proves to be quite taxing, considering there is this couple practically making out in my lap.
After about three stops, it's time for one of the women to get off the train. They all do their goodbyes; the two women embrace and the one leaving nods casually to the stumpy man.
About one minute after she's gone, get this: the remaining woman starts making out with the stumpy man!
What in the hell kind of set up is going on with this threesome? Is the woman who left aware that her girlfriend is making out with the stumpy man? The two women didn't look like hookers, but how does a stumpy guy like that swing a tall brunette? Are they in love? And what's in the briefcase? AND WHY ARE THEY STANDING DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME??
I look to my right, for some source of comfort. There's a dude sitting there listening to his iPod, completely oblivious. I look to my left, across the aisle, and there's a small family. A family! They don't notice anything out of the oridnary, though, because the two little kids are fighting and the mom is trying to garner control.
So I look in front of me, beyond the making out couple (or something), and I see an advertisement for Club Med that goes as follows:
"Wait until the person reading over your shoulder is done before turning the page. This world can be an amazing place. Share it with us."
I am not one for irony. I think it's a cheap device and entirely too worn-out these days. But how could I ignore it in the face of this situation? Make the world a better place. Share a page; share a partner.
The three passengers are two females and one male. The women are taller than average, brunettes, and the man is stumpy and balding, with a briefcase. They start talking about a friend, who is coming to visit next weekend from LA, and how they wish their friend would just move to New York already.
After comparing the size of one another's hands, the two women start making out. No big deal. Why they decide to make me privy to this PG rated peep show, I do not know, because there is plenty of available real estate on that train. I figure it's my new haircut.
As the two women are making out, stumpy man starts reading the paper, a folded over, two-day-old Wall Street Journal. I pretend to read my book (The Master and Margarita, highly recommended), which proves to be quite taxing, considering there is this couple practically making out in my lap.
After about three stops, it's time for one of the women to get off the train. They all do their goodbyes; the two women embrace and the one leaving nods casually to the stumpy man.
About one minute after she's gone, get this: the remaining woman starts making out with the stumpy man!
What in the hell kind of set up is going on with this threesome? Is the woman who left aware that her girlfriend is making out with the stumpy man? The two women didn't look like hookers, but how does a stumpy guy like that swing a tall brunette? Are they in love? And what's in the briefcase? AND WHY ARE THEY STANDING DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME??
I look to my right, for some source of comfort. There's a dude sitting there listening to his iPod, completely oblivious. I look to my left, across the aisle, and there's a small family. A family! They don't notice anything out of the oridnary, though, because the two little kids are fighting and the mom is trying to garner control.
So I look in front of me, beyond the making out couple (or something), and I see an advertisement for Club Med that goes as follows:
"Wait until the person reading over your shoulder is done before turning the page. This world can be an amazing place. Share it with us."
I am not one for irony. I think it's a cheap device and entirely too worn-out these days. But how could I ignore it in the face of this situation? Make the world a better place. Share a page; share a partner.
posted by Toby Shuster at 2:27 PM
2 Comments:
Are you going to post pictures of the new haircut? I'm curious. And, a trip to NYC is coming up, maybe end of may/early june? Hope all is well!
People like this really gross me out. You know public displays of affection make me uncomfortable. I have issues, though.
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