Wednesday, April 05, 2006

"Hey, Toby, why don't you just get a diary?"

dear diary,

wednesdays are the pits. today, at work, i wrestled with a copy machine and a scanner and i think i'm starting to lose it. there's no need to relay this anecdote because everybody has seen the movie. i shouldn't complain about my job; i'm lucky to have it and it's really not that bad. it's just not how i envisioned my first job out of college, you know? meanwhile, dear diary, my right winged roommate has QUIT her job to plan her wedding, which isn't until december, and her fiance is going to pay her rent until then. i'm not even invited to the wedding. i think it's because of that one time when i asked her to clean up every once in a while, especially when she cooks three course dinners for her fiance and leaves food lying around the kitchen for days. she blew up at me, like i was asking her to renounce jesus or something. in turn, i kind of lost it with her, except i don't really know how to fight without cursing and i think she was a little shocked. things have been kind of tense since then and i promise you, dear diary, i will never again choose a roommate off craigslist. while i do applaud anne's unflappable dedication to the church choir, waking up to her practicing vocal chords does little to ease the pain of a sunday morning hangover. i'm getting sick of it, sick of it all. she's probably sitting on the couch right now, eating bonbons and flipping through bridal magazines, while i'm at work, fighting with inanimate objects. anne, if you ever get around to reading this, why don't you get off the internet and clean the kitchen? you're going to make a lousy housewife.

yours truly,


Blogger emily jane said...

you're fantastic.

4:54 PM  
Blogger Toby Shuster said...

and you are missed. i meant what i said in my text last night!!

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

seriously toby you are NOT allowed to complain about your job. it is awesome. i would KILL for your job. just think how lucky you are that you don't have to deal with middle aged skinny botoxed women who are complaining about the fit of the new pastel capris every day. ahhhh. i miss you. why must we continue to play phone tag??

5:10 PM  
Blogger Toby Shuster said...

yeah, but i don't think i would mind working at anthropology. every day would be like working in little house on the prairie and instead of staring at a computer monitor for eight hours in a row, you get to look at paisley prints and wooden clogs. PLUS you get a discount!!

5:21 PM  
Anonymous Mary said...

Do you want me to fight anne for you? 'Cause I'll do it. I'm a scrapper.

5:35 PM  
Blogger Toby Shuster said...

oh don't you worry, you'll get the chance to meet her when you visit...but i think i can handle this one on my own. thanks anyway for the backup!

5:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your funny,
thanks for sharing your diary entries with us.


10:34 PM  
Anonymous Hansa said...

Oh my god Toby! Someday she is totally going to find this post and start crying because she's become a lousy housewife.

12:16 AM  
Blogger Franny said...

Writers should know better that to put an apostrophe on "Wednesdays." Get rid of that little fucker RIGHT NOW.

(would you expect anything less than exacting grammatical standards from a nerd like me?)

12:24 AM  
Blogger Franny said...

since I just read your response to my last comment:

You know I think you and your blog are both fabulous. Seriously - Salman Rushdie?

12:29 AM  

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