Bueller?

east village mural

If I owned my own company – excuse me, when I own my own company- I would mandate a strict policy of wellness days. By implementing this policy, I would instruct that all employees take mandatory daily siestas from the hours of 1:00-3:00 PM, approximately. After our siestas, we would reconvene in the office to do highly productive work until the hour of 7:00 PM. On days like today, however, our office would hold requisite meetings in Central Park and Out of Office email replies would read as such: Apologies for the delay, So&So is busy playing Frisbee and will get back to you at her earliest convenience.

Thankfully, today I will actually be out of the office for the latter half of the afternoon. As I am the lowest one on the totem pole, in my current office, I am the one selected to run all of our outrageous errands. For instance, on Tuesday, I spent the afternoon shopping for preserved ladybugs. ((Side note: Did you know that preserved ladybugs cost $9 ? )) Today, I am being forced to go to the floral district. I just hate my fucking life, you know, my job is sooo hard and I can’t believe my boss makes me go to the floral district when I would much rather be indoors, staring at my computer.

Oh, and it’s Friday, in case you didn’t know.